Review of The Horns of Nimon (#108)
DVD Release Date: 06 Jul 10
Original Air Date: 22 Dec 1979 – 12 Jan 1980
Doctors/Companions: Four, Romana II, K-9
Stars: Tom Baker, Lalla Ward, John Leeson
Preceding Story: Nightmare of Eden (Four, Romana II, K-9)
Succeeding Story: The Leisure Hive (Four, Romana II, K-9)

I tell ya, I really took one for the team this time. On that io9 list I’ve been using for reference, only six stories (out of 254) ranked worse than The Horns of Nimon. It did not earn that ranking for nothing.

On its surface, Nimon is another retelling of a Greek myth (which may or may not be clear to the viewer; more on that below). When you drill down further, it’s… erm… a mess.

Several of the hallmarks of this era of Who are present: the TARDIS unexpectedly arriving on or near a lonely spaceship, K9 being sidelined for most of the adventure, and Romana swanning about in a fabulous outfit. And while the sets, creature design, and even costuming (though is this throw-away character in Part Four wearing the Black Guardian’s feathers?!) are pretty good for 1979, head-bad-guy Soldeed’s overacting is truly epic.

The eponymous creature, easily recognizable as an analog for the Minotaur in the aforementioned myth to anyone who has ever heard of it, first appears at the end of the opening episode. For most of the story, I found it one of the best things on screen (when it was there), if only because its awkward lumbering gave me something to keep me awake. There was enough padding in this story to make a queen-size mattress, and I certainly longed for one on more than one occasion.

By the end of the third episode, the true purpose of the Nimon’s actions become apparent; the “great journey of life” turns out to refer to the fate of his entire species (and makes me wonder how consciously this story was in RTD and Gareth Roberts’s minds when they were writing Planet of the Dead). The final episode is thus spent attempting to thwart the plan.

Things soon go all wahooney-shaped for greedy, deluded Soldeed, and the already florid acting goes completely over the top as the character loses his shit. It is at least a “dramatic” moment to break up the time-filling monotony as other characters wander the labyrinthine corridors. All the inanity is capped off with the Doctor waving off the one-time tributes to the Nimon in another classical reference I had to look up to understand:

I’m glad this time I reminded them to paint their ship white. Last time anything like this happened, I completely forgot. Caused quite a hoo-ha.

This nudge-and-a-wink style is, in my opinion, the worst kind of exclusionary scripting. While the writer obviously believed that everyone watching the show would be completely familiar with the entirety of the myths surrounding the Minotaur, that’s obviously not the case. (I, for one, noticed the creature and the labyrinth, but no more.) Instead, the Doctor’s smug little comment feels like a deliberate dig, as if anyone who doesn’t immediately understand what the Doctor is talking about is stupid (or, at best, poorly educated).

While that may not be the writer’s intention for the audience, it’s certainly the Doctor’s intention for Romana, a high-achieving, scholarly Time Lord with little-to-no knowledge of Earth’s particular history and mythology. Ending the entire serial with this kind of self-serving, “oh, you wouldn’t understand” comment (and a similarly dismissive final line, as played) left a bad taste in my mouth—which is saying something, after an already putrid adventure.

Maybe someone who is all about Greek mythology and who doesn’t care if their Doctor Who contains dozens of unnecessary minutes to fill out the various episodes, or who actually enjoys watching actors go off the rails, would find this episode more palatable. And if you’re a huge fan of the Fourth Doctor or Romana II, maybe those qualities aren’t enough to put you off any story. For a general audience, though, I can’t in good conscience recommend watching Nimon for any sort of casual viewing. Only a dedicated completionist should grab this bull by the horns.