I made the mistake, as I was trying to decide what to write about this month, of searching for Doctor Who news (I really ought to know better by now). Luckily, the headlines that came up weren’t anything super revealing, especially for someone like me who knows pretty much nothing about British celebrities. However, it reminded me of how much I hate spoilers.

Long-time readers will be unsurprised by that statement; I’ve often talked about not wanting to know story details before I watch. Even casting news (despite my aforementioned cluelessness re: name-brand actors) often makes me twitchy. Official trailers are about the extent of foreknowledge I’m willing to accept.

Of course, that’s not a universal preference of mine. My spoilerphobia centers primarily on narratives, so I will sometimes go quite the opposite direction if it concerns something with a predetermined outcome, e.g., a sporting event that’s already ended.

For example, I’ve recently been watching a couple of K-pop survival shows (that is, competitions with eliminations) with a friend. For the first one, as with Doctor Who, I steadfastly avoided anything online that would’ve told me ahead of time which trainees got cut (thus breaking my heart when certain favorites didn’t get to move on). The finale aired mere hours before we could watch together. While my friend went ahead and looked at the results, I went in knowing nothing, and thus went through the same elation / heartbreak cycle as the live audience did.

When we started the next show, though, the entire competition had already ended. This time, I decided to look at all the results before we started even the first episode, so I would know about whom I could get excited and to whom I shouldn’t bother forming an attachment. It’s been a very different experience.

Oddly enough, knowing the results lets me focus on the narrative that the production team is weaving about the various contestants. I think this is one place where the line between creator and consumer blurs for me, and may explain why I am so adamant about avoiding Doctor Who spoilers. Because I spend so much time thinking about story structure and how to craft a compelling narrative, I don’t always have the luxury of just enjoying the impact of a story.

But since I came to Doctor Who first as a fan—before I started writing my own fiction—I feel particularly protective of that fan experience, where I don’t know what’s coming, and just let the story wash over me. Later I can (and will!) analyze where the episode failed or really soared, and why that might have been, but my first time through I’m always looking for that rush of not-knowing-ness that comes from willingly allowing oneself to be swept up in a good story.

At least, that’s what I always hope for. There are times things are so broken (for my personal tastes) that I can’t even stay engaged with the story (though that’s a completely different issue). But while there is still even the chance that I can reach that immersive state—especially with Doctor Who—I’m going to keep working to avoid spoilers. It’s the least I can do for my inner fan.