My kids’ birthday is coming up. Birthdays often make me think of the old game where Whovians gauge each others’ age by what episode aired the week they were born (mine was in the Pertwee era, but my kids had Tennant’s Doctor). Then I got to thinking about what modern era stories aired “this week in history.”

As I looked through the Wikipedia article listing episodes, I had lots of “Oh yeah, that one!” moments. It was like a rusty old door opening in the architecture of my memory. Sadly, I think that door only opens partway now.

There was a time when I could just rattle off the episodes in any given “new Who” series—in order—with barely any pause for thought. That time has long since passed. If I hadn’t had the page open in front of me, as I looked over the dates and associated them with episode titles, I wouldn’t have been sure what position in the series any of those episodes held.

I found that oddly distressing, in particular for Series Four. That series has been on my mind a fair bit lately (more so than other RTD-era series, for sure), with the impending return of Donna and a Tennant Doctor. (I am going to be fighting calling that one the “Fourteenth Doctor” for a long time, I can tell.)

For a long time, I counted Ten and Donna as my favorite modern TARDIS team (they were later just edged out by Twelve and Bill). Realizing that I’ve almost completely forgotten what was even in that series kind of breaks my heart. I mean, I sat down as I began to write this post, and tried to list Donna’s episodes—not even in any particular order—and I couldn’t do it. Even allowing myself to list them by major plot point instead of the correct title (something that hurts my pride to do), I could only come up with seven of the thirteen episodes (eight of fourteen, if you count The Runaway Bride).

What’s worse is that when I did go back and look at the list, there was at least one episode that I couldn’t keep clear in my head: “What did Donna do in that one?” I remembered (or at least thought I remembered) a few details of the episode, but I could not get my head around where Donna fit into it at all.

As someone who came to the show during that series (it was The Unicorn and the Wasp that I first watched “live,” as soon as I could get it after it aired), I find that distressing. How could I not remember the adventures of my once-favorite TARDIS crew? (Oh so many reasons… We won’t talk about how many other episodes have come after that, let alone how many years it’s been.) It made me feel like I’d slipped into the ranks of that most dreaded of social classes: the “fake fan.”

Obviously, that’s not the case (“fake” fans don’t keep a blog for twelve+ years), but it gave me pause. This exercise has become a clear reminder that I don’t always have to pursue newness to feel a sense of discovery. Going back through Series Four will harbor plenty of surprises for someone who hasn’t watched it in so many years.

With all that in mind, I should definitely re-watch the whole series before the 60th anniversary specials in November, especially because I want to be up to speed. Since the next couple of months as the school year winds down are going to be crazy busy, it should be after that—likely a summer project. That actually sounds like fun. Maybe I can match it to the anniversary of Journey’s End.